Sunday Confession - Oh look, some wind just broke!

Yikes, I may have had my most embarassing public moment this week. It's my confession for the week, although I have a doozy lined up for next Sunday.

I went in to The Scholar Shop for the first time in my life. I mean, I went in the front door. I go to their back door where they accept donations at least once a month, but this time I decided I needed to shop the store for a purpose, to repurpose a rugby shirt into cool shorts for my sons.

I found all sorts of great things, including a brand new unworn pair of plaid J Crew flats for $12 that didn't fit me (crap!), and I carried my stash up to the counter to check out.

The young girl working the checkout was an interesting character. She had on traditional Muslim gear - the headscarf, the wrap or cloak or whatever it is, and a floor-length skirt. And she was a talkative little bird! With a loud voice. That carried. That part is important, the Muslim garb really isn't except to give you a visual.

So as I stood there, my stomach started to churn and burn. The delicious lunch I'd eaten an hour earlier started to make its way through me and my body was protesting a little.

I knew what was going to happen. We all know what was going to happen. I was powerless to stop it! That's one of the lovely side effects for me of having gigantic boy babies. They've wrecked my insides and the toots won't be held in anymore.

So I tooted. I poofed. I passed gas. Broke wind. Farted.

And not just once, oh no! That would have been ok, but no. My body decided that was the time to let all the pressure out. I knew as soon as it happened that it wasn't going to go unnoticed. I just prayed this girl was too busy working to notice, and the smell of OPC* would overpower it.

It didn't.

And then...she said it.

"Do you smell something?"

"Uh, what?"

"Do you smell something? I'm always smelling things. I don't know."

"Oh, well, maybe a little." And then I did something I'm not proud of. An older lady was browsing near me. I nodded to her. "It could have been her."

I could tell the girl wasn't buying it, she knew who had foofed and she busted me on purpose! Then I just decided that if she was so brash as to call me out on it, I would just let her suffer and she deserved it. Which isn't really true. But it made me feel a little better.

And then I grabbed my stuff and ran out of the store, never to ever show my face in the front again.

- H

*OPC - Other People's Clothes. You know, they have a smell. I don't like it.