ready for a chuckle?

If you're like me, you cringe and quickly click away when you run into one of those "I'm a regular girl with dreams of being a stylist so I take daily pics of what I'm wearing" blogs out there. There are a million of them.

I hope this didn't hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes I like to share things like my favorite sandals or an awesome dress I found at Target, too. But the stylist-o-the-day thing is just not my gig.

Which is why I laughed deep belly laughs when I stumbled across The Man Repeller. Seriously, you must not only scroll through her posts as she takes normal clothes and turns them into hideous runway fashion that men would hate, but you must also read each and every one of her brilliant and snarky words.

Enjoy.

- H

Half a month? Yeah, that's about right.

Maybe later today I'll have a very witty retrospective on Valentine's Day to share with you. Probably not, considering how my month of February has gone so far (where has it gone?!).

Instead, I will leave you with a flashback of sorts. This post that I wrote last Valentine's Day. Which could easily be this Valentine's Day, because we still live in this godforsaken HOT HOUSE.

Happy day of luuurv, everyone.

- H

Self portrait, sort of. Not really.

This is all I can put together for today's self portrait. Partly because I want to share my absolute favoritest clogs ever right now until I find other clogs that become my favorites, and partly because my ENTIRE BODY HAS TURNED DISGUSTING.



I don't know what happened! I didn't start eating differently. I even ran out of my bestest ice cream sandwiches from Costco, so it isn't because I was eating one of those every day.

No, it's a mystery. But my body is not cooperating with me and it's ballooning.

So these, dear friends, these are the best part of me this week. My slightly swollen veiny feet, clad in my bestest blue woven Swedish Hasbeens.



I love Swedish Hasbeens. I even ordered some mustard yellow boots that I found on clearance somewhere, but sadly they didn't fit. Cause I couldn't pull them on my fat feet.

If my train of thought seems slightly askew, it's because it is. I just read this post by Aunt Becky (who is younger than me, and we call that irony people) on Mommy Wants Vodka that really has me thinking. And by thinking I mean staring off into space with an empty head.

Becky's right. It's beige paint, this watered down version of what's really going on in people's lives. I don't know anyone in real life whose life is beige paint. Oh, wait, there's a girl I work with who seems kind of beige until I remember that she was carrying on a long term affair with another married man and then broke both of those marriages up to be with her man, and there were kids involved and dogs. But if you met her? You'd totally yawn and think "beige paint," and you'd probably order her a cheeseburger because she seems kind of malnourished.

I actually feel guilty, writing something real and then editing it for content. I don't know why, it kind of feels like lying. And then sometimes I feel guilty for not editing the content. For telling anyone and everyone what's going on. Ack, this is a dilemma. Not nearly as big a dilemma as why the hell my weight keeps going UP when I'm eating LESS THAN I'D LIKE TO.

- H

So you're Betty

Wasn't "What About Bob" the best movie, ever? I loved that movie. So maybe it helps that I was in college when it came out, so I had time. Time to watch it over and over an over and giggle about the one-liners.

Of course, this was long before any Will Ferrell movie came out, and one-lining became an artform.

I don't even know why I was thinking about that movie today? Maybe because I'm going on vacation, but thankfully there's no crazy patient who will follow me and call out my name in public places.

At least, I hope not.

Or maybe it's because the facelift I just gave the blog kind of makes me feel like the mental patient. How is it that other people can live with one design forever and I can't? Eh. Whatever. There are bigger problems in the world.

- H

This is what jaded looks like

Penne's back. After a long hiatus, which means she didn't post anything for a coupla months, she came back to us and the world is a slightly funnier place now.

You should really go read how she practically knows Ree from The Pioneer Woman and while you're reading her story, you can just as well conclude that since I kind of know Penne in the way bloggers know each other, then I kinda know Ree too.

Which makes me feel good.

And slightly guilty.

Because as much as I love PWs blog and her horsies and her cooking and whatnot, I am also really slightly distrustful of anything that appears too good to be true.

Cause I really just don't know people like that in my real life. The people I know have to keep one shoulder against their closet doors to keep all the skeletons from falling out, you know what I'm saying?

Like the woman I know who broke up with her husband (whose mom is a crack addict and I don't mean she wears pants too low) for a while, then they reconciled and she decided to go out with him one night as a couple, kind of like a date night. When they showed up at whatever dive bar or trailer they were going to hang out in, his two sisters jumped her and literally beat her up. Fisticuffs. I kid you not. So they split up again and now there's rumors that he's been maybe stealing her prescription medication?

I don't know, I'm just saying that's the kind of thing I hear all the time.

But I have a little confession to make. I bought PWs cookbook. And tonight? Tonight I actually made my husband one of the steak sandwiches from the book. Except that I forgot to buy nice rolls at the grocery store so I had to put it on wheat toast, but he said it was good. I had a bite, too. It was good.

So all is well again.

- H