24 hours

TUESDAY
8:30 p.m.: I laid down with Griffin, and he promptly fell asleep. Yay for a tired preschooler!

9:45: As I'm crawling into bed, I heard the tell-tale squeaking that turned into full-on cries for Mommy from Grif. I picked him up and he cried and cried, eventually managing to tell me his tummy hurt. He burped a lot. I prepared myself mentally to be puked on and took him downstairs to watch Elmo.

10:20: Elmo's twenty minutes of fame over, Griffin's eyelids very heavy and his tummy treated with Mylanta. No more burps, no pukes, back to bed.

10:30: Griffin crying for mommy again. Lay down with him until he's asleep.

12:30: New crying from Griffin, he wants to sleep in the Big Bed with daddy. I laid him in the middle, and climb back in.

12:35: Cooper comes to my side of the bed. "There's no room, honey, let's go back to your room." I put him to bed in his bed and I climb into Griffin's, which is the trundle. Wondering if I'll get any sleep tonight?

12:45: Cooper crawls down onto the trundle bed with me.

1:45: I wake up with sharp searing pain in my head and neck. Slowly turn my head to relieve the cramp and pain. Briefly consider whether I have a tumor.* I climb up onto Cooper's bed to sleep.

5:00: Hear my husband tromping around, going downstairs and letting the dogs out. Why so early? Want to shoot someone.

5:45: Hear Griffin crying for someone to join him in the Big Bed. I get up and bring him back into his room and his bed.

6:00: Both boys want to get up. Fine, let's start this crapbag day super early after getting no sleep, that's a great idea. Headache not helping any.

7:00: Griffin crying that his tummy hurts. Does he have to poop? No. More Mylanta.

8:00: Off to school.

10:00: Why did I sign myself up to help with the Christmas party in Cooper's room? I am not happy about this. 20 energetic four-year-olds and a craft assignment from the other mom who volunteered = Heather is not a happy camper.

10:15: Cut 12 sets of hands/reindeer antlers out with teeny tiny safety scissors. Hands cramping. Cooper sobbing because of lack of sleep (see above) and because I was there. Behavior would have been much better if I wasn't there.

10:30: While cleaning up the gluey mess, Cooper reaches up and grabs one of my boobs, giving it a good honk. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? No answer.

10:45: Pick glue out of my hair. Go back to work. Note to self: do not volunteer for class party again.

11:00: Headache returns with vengeance. Must. Eat. Food.

4:00: Pick up offspring from school. Bribe them for good behavior with candy. This may serve to backfire on me later.

5:30: Hubs is back to work this week, after three months at home! Go pick up sushi in celebratory mood. Spend next twenty minutes preparing mac-n-cheese and nuggets for offspring that they don't eat, choosing to demolish the sushi platter instead. Choose to add wine to my dinner.

6:00: Finish sewing new work trousers. Cuss the idiots at Simplicity for making sewing patterns that are stupid and make people look dumb. Rip out all major seams, start over on the waistband assembly. Happy to hear the offspring playing quietly under my cutting table. Unhappy to find they've emptied my compressed air can.

7:00: Bathtime. Load them up, sit down on toilet with my needle and hook-and-eye closure to sew on the new pants. Brain telling me something smells fruity and familiar. Look up to find the bathtub filled with bubbles? I didn't add bubblebath? Find that Griffin has squeezed out my entire tube of new expensive shampoo into the tub. Regret not having had more wine.

8:00: Shriek with shock when Griffin spills an entire cup of ice water on my lap. When I ask him why, he said he was bringing it to me. And then he laid it down next to my leg.

9:00: Find myself telling Cooper "I am tired of your shit behavior today" after my whining valve filled up. March him off to bed.

10:00: Seeing spots from fatigue. Fading fast. Concerned I have a brain tumor (see notes from 1:45 a.m.)