I don't want to dig my hands into someone else's mouth

The title to this post was foreshadowing. Did you figure out where I had to go today?

Yepper, the dentist.

I realized it sometime yesterday afternoon, right after the lady called me and said "Heather, this is Debbie from your dentist's office. I'm just calling to remind you of your appointment tomorrow."

Crap! Everyone knows that a visit to the dentist takes a few days to prepare for. First, you realize you have an appointment. Then you dig out your dental floss and start flossing three times a day. Then you add an extra brushing into your routine. Finally, you arrive at your dentist with teeth so clean and gums so healthy you really don't need them anymore.

I didn't have any of that prep time this time. I dug through my medicine chest {I know I just bought floss at Target! I'll give you two guesses as to who is responsible for its disappearance.} and couldn't find any floss. I dug through my hubs' dob kit and couldn't find any floss.

Then I started to curse our wretched existence, that includes not flossing and living like pigs in filth with gingivitis.

I resigned myself to the inevitable humiliation in the hygienist's chair and just brushed my teeth seven times before I left the house this morning. You know, the point where they ask "how are you doing with your flossing?" and you have to say "well, I try but sometimes I forget so I probably manage to get it done two or three times a week and I try it's just so hard..." You know the drill. Don't pretend I'm the only one.

To my surprise, she said my teeth looked great, and she never even asked me how I was doing with my flossing! I guess all the extra Sonicare treatment my gums got this morning and last night kept them from bleeding when she whipped out the floss and the devil pick they use to remove tartar sauce. I believe her actual quote was "you're doing great with your home care."

Home care? Is that what we're calling basic hygiene these days? Good to know.

I think a conversation I overheard in the cubicle next to ours was funny. The hygienist over there asked the lady in the chair "how are you doing with your flossing?" and the lady actually said "well, I was doing great until I lost my job and then it's just been so hard...." So apparently, this bad economy can also be blamed for our collective poor dental health. Noted.

I can honestly say, I have never considered being a dental hygienist. Never. Not once. I'd rather keep my hands out of other people's mouths, thank you.