The one where I cried like a baby. In a work meeting. And there's swearing involved.

This has been a shit week. I try not to swear on this blog out of respect, although I love to do it in my real world. Cause the internets is my fake world. Sometimes you just gotta call a spade a spade.

I brought The Sickness with me to Dallas on Wednesday. Leading up to the meeting was a little like living hell on wheels. My kids were wild and unruly. My house was a disaster. My health was in the shitter. I wasn’t sleeping well because my house’s furnace has a life of its own and really likes to heat the place up to 80ºF despite being set on 68ºF.

I ran away on Wednesday morning shrieking “free at last, free at last!”

My jubilation didn’t last long. I felt like death on a warming plate during the day on Wednesday. Hot, cold, sweaty, clammy, random pains and then more sweating.

My peers and my manager went out to this great Mexican restaurant for dinner Wednesday night (Javier’s in Dallas? You been there?) and I had a margarita but not more than two. Maybe.

Sooooo, I didn’t sleep Wednesday night. Tossed, turned, regretted my Chihuahua cheese stuffed fillet entrée that tasted so good. Tossed more. Moaned out loud. Sweated. Turned down the heat. I finally fell asleep at 4:30. Alarm went off at 6:00 and I texted my manager that I’d be late. She knew I was sick so it was cool.

I proceeded to do just fine the rest of the meeting, thank you very much. More sweating. More hot/cold flashes and random pains in random places in my GI system. But overall, fine.

I stayed in Thursday night and rented Precious and cried like a baby and couldn’t fall sleep again (until eleven which is way past my bedtime) but for different reasons because the story was just grinding through my brain over and over.

And then there was today. Today started with a meeting that became slightly adversarial. You know what never happens in my industry? Adversarial meetings. We’re trained to be nice and friendly to others. We’re in sales. We’re typically attractive, friendly people. So it was a little nerve-wracking to watch said attractive friendly people get into heated arguments with representatives from an outside vendor (who are not trained to be attractive, friendly people), where actual individuals were laid out on the road to be run over by the proverbial bus.

Then I left that meeting and went to my own district meeting.

Somewhere between that district meeting and the time I found myself riding the shuttle bus to the airport I had this totally life-altering revelation where I realized things aren’t going well and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Where I realized some people are in the wrong jobs and there isn’t a damn thing anyone else is going to do about it.

This is where I started crying.

Cause yeah, that’s what I did.

Then I got to the airport and watched some jackwad go through security talking super loudly and saying “I am not a terrorist” over and over. I was silently wishing TSA would take him aside and do a body cavity search until all the alcohol in his system wore off. But they didn’t.

And there you are. I sobbed off and on the rest of the day. Including when my mom emailed me that she also misses Grandma Clare a lot, despite the fact that she’s been gone for seven years.

Oh crap, I’m crying again.

Dammit!

Next post is about bandaids. Believe me, this will all make sense.

- H