Perspective

I had my annual check-up with the Lady Doctor today. This is what I saw on my car thermometer as I was driving to the hospital.


For whatever reason, my crackberry camera cut off the top half of all the numbers. So let me help out a little.

It said 100. Seriously. 100.

That is not taking into account the "heat index" which is what we Midwesterners call the Death Factor. Or rather, just how much does the temperature feel like death? When it's 99 outside and with the heat index it feels like 107, then I would say the Death Factor is super high.

For instance, right now it's 8:30 p.m. Weather.com says our temperature is 87 degrees. Not too bad, right? Except in the teeny tiny letters under that where it says feels like 100.

I'd like to complain to someone about it, but there isn't anybody who will take my call. Everyone is inside their homes with the curtains drawn and the air conditioning on high, probably laying half nude on their bathroom floors. I can't blame them.

Tomorrow's high is predicted to be 99. After that, we're supposed to get a cold front and then it'll go down to 94, which is going to feel something like 75 after today's heat index of 108.

If I ever need to go into the witness protection program, I'm going to request a relocation to Santa Barbara, California. Their high for tomorrow is 70.

So you know what makes me feel like a gigantic ass in all my complaining about the oppressive unseasonably early heat wave? My ob-gyn, who is a mom of three small kids and is roughly my age, just returned last night from an 8-day trip to Haiti, where she volunteered her medical services for the people there. She delivered babies. She did a few D&Cs. She did a lot of general gyno work. You know, she made a difference.

So yeah. Other people have real problems. Oh, and she said it was way hotter there than here. So there's that.

- H