The scene - Target at 5:00 on Sunday evening.
I never go at that time, and will never again. It was busier than I think I've ever seen it. The aisles were so full of people, I had a hard time maneuvering the 'kid cart' that held my two monsters and the three ink cartridges I needed for Monday's workday.
The offspring were fairly good in the beginning. I owe that to the fact that they inexplicably buckled themselves into their seats to be cool, and couldn't move much.
I picked up the ink cartridges and diapers, and headed to the promised toy department so they could look. The deal is this - they look, we don't buy. They can look at stuff they want to add to their birthday list or Christmas list, or whatever. They know this, we do it every time and it goes smoothly.
So this went fine.
In fact, except for a few outbursts here and there, my kids blended in with everyone else's.
Until we got to the checkout.
The lanes were thick with people. We got in behind one guy who had a fair amount of items, so it was a few minutes before she got to my stuff.
A few minutes of sheer hell. Followed by a few more minutes of even darker circles of hell.
My kids LOST. IT. Cooper wanted to look at the movies. Griffin wanted to look at whatever Cooper was looking at and in order to get out of the cart he was strapped into, he started screaming "GODDAMN IT! GODDAMN IT!" at the top of his lungs. I let him out of the cart.
Cooper threw a rather large fit because I wouldn't buy him {fill in the blank, I can't even remember now} and he lay down on the footrest of the cart. I told him to stand up so I could move forward without removing his head from his body, and he ignored me. I bent down and picked him up and he started pitching a gigantic fit, screaming and crying and claiming his foot hurt.
This went on and on and on, in one of those bits of time where you're sure it has come to a standstill and you will never move forward, except then at some point I found myself out at my car. I'd managed not to yell while in the store, that was a plus.
I did at one point whisper into Cooper's ear, "Do you see anyone else crying in this entire store? You are going to be in so much trouble for this when we get home." I didn't look one single person in the eye the entire time we were in the checkout lane. I know we had an audience, I believe a two year old shrieking "GODDAMN IT!" is a guarantee of that. The ride home was unpleasant. For them. Cooper even managed to remain silent in shame until we got home, which is some sort of record.
Clearly, I have lost control. Let's call it - I never had it to begin with.
I came home and spent a bit of time in the yard with Ruby, decompressing. Where have I gone wrong? What can I do to fix it? My kids are spoiled, that much is clear. I started working on the "no toys" campaign earlier in the summer when a lovely trip to the Botanical Garden ended with 14 minutes of screaming because I bought Cooper the wrong toy from the gift shop.
As I folded laundry tonight I contemplated my options. Running away from home is out of the question although it does hold quite a bit of appeal. Nanny 911 is also out, they'd probably edit my parts to make me and my kids look even worse than we already are, and nobody needs that trauma.
If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. I've implemented a "no kids may come with Mommy to any store" rule that I plan to keep up until I no longer remember this incident. Which may be years from now.
- H
8/30/10
I am that mom.
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7 comments:
Sorry you're hearing from me again, but I honestly think it's more their age than anything else. At least I hope so because otherwise I am "that mom" as well.
I also know that I am a fussy on the inside type of person. I don't throw tantrums anymore because I don't want to embarrass myself. But I only mastered this around age 17, so I certainly don't expect my children, who share my genetics, to have figured it out at 4 and 2. I used to think my fussiness was bad parenting on my mother's part. But I don't give in when my kids whine or throw fits, and yet they still do it. So I think that unless it's obviously from being tired or hungry, kids just are who they are and all we can do is to help steer them in a direction where one day, they too will be too embarrassed to throw fits anymore:)
So give yourself a break. You are obviously setting boundaries and doing your best. So be happy with those efforts and know that this too shall pass.
I've had the whole "i'm a failure. Where did I go wrong?" talk with myself way too many times. We just have strong-willed kids.
Well that sounded fun. I agree I don't think there's anything you did wrong. It was just a perfect storm of a crazy busy overstimulating store, potentially difficult time of day, their ages, and their ages and their ages. I swear I think Jack has more fits now at age 4 than he did at age 2. There are days that all we can do is say that we are doing the best that we can do... and sometimes, okay, a lot of times, that our best just won't feel like enough. Hang in there - you're a great mom, even on the days you want to run away from home :) MJ
I remember having to walk out of stores and leave the full cart behind. Boy did that scare the shizznit out of my son. Heh. Now I resort to whisper-threatening to take his Wii away. I mean, unplug it, box it up and put it where the sun don't shine. And he knows I'll do it.
But every kid's different. My son feared the evil eye. I just know my baby girl is going to be a challenge. Personally, though, I'm definitely a fan of walking out of the store, no matter what kind of kid you have.
It leaves a lasting impression. Even if it's hella inconvenient.
Hugs! That is not a "I am that mom" moment. That is "A walking birth control moment"! Let me explain...I had to take my little men to the grocery store and Target from nearly day one. They are two boys two years apart! Even super nanny isn't going to have a perfect trip to the store every time. I would come home from the grocery store and vent to my friend: "I need to bring teens with me to the grocery store: I am walking birth control."
Also, it is not how your kids act: it is how you handle the situation. You clearly handled it with grace and style. If you would have looked up, you would have seen some eyes of compasion: some with "been there, done that" looks...and the ones with eyes that do not understand, don't have kids!
You are doing great and are a wonderful mom! Griffen and Cooper show they understand the boundaries and love that you give them. They are kids and will test them...constantly....and these days go quickly...
Miss you!
Oh. My. Word. I don't mean to laugh, but I laughed out loud. We have had so many screaming meltdown tirades in very public places. I've often wondered why people don't think I'm abducting the angry screaming child in my arms and try to rescue her. Then maybe they figure that they'd have to deal with that and think, "You know what? She's probably got it under control."
I say the F word a lot. But only to myself. Because I'm a *stellar* mom. You can't see it, but my halo is super shiny today.
HAAAAAA look how many months later this is and people are still laughing (at your expense of course). I just spewed milk through my nose!! I have talent. And I must say that now that my kids are 12&17, I can only remember one instance of me kicking my son in his stroller to knock it off. LOL Maybe I never took them again, or aliens flew down and ate that part of my brain. At any rate, I'm glad you're blogging this for future reference for others or for people like me who need a good old fashion milk cleansing (no netti pot required)
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