I still want a daughter. How lame is that? And it pisses me off! Not that I don't have one, that I still want one. It makes me feel like some sort of idiot for not being able to just move on, dammit.
Tonight on the way home from my in-law's I actually said outloud "we could adopt a little girl, you know." After he choked down the vomit in his mouth my husband said no we absolutely could not and our family is complete and we all need to be happy with that and decisions need to be made that are good for everyone and some other bullshit that I didn't hear because by then I was totally pissed.
You'd have thought that by now I'd totally be over it. But after refereeing my kids for the weekend, breaking up countless wrestling-slash-death fighting matches I found myself saying "couldn't just ONE of you been a GIRL, for crying out loud?!" Because I'm totally convinced that girls wouldn't be so flipping physical all the time.
But I don't really wish that either of my boys were girls. I just wish my life was different, that having a large family and lots of kids was a possibility. There would be all sorts of shape-shifting and personality-switching going on for this to be a reality, but a girl can dream.
Eh.
- H
8/22/10
Pissed, and I don't mean drunk
By Heather on 8/22/2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
For what it's worth, in my houseful of girls, there's a TON of wrestling-slash-death fighting. Not that it makes your desire for a little girl any less.
I *really* want a daughter, too. But not for the non-physical part or for girly clothes or anything like that.
I want a daughter for when she's older. And I'm older. For that relationship. Like the one my mom and I have. The one that I honestly don't think you can truly have with an adult son.
But I don't know if that will ever happen. We are most likely stopping with three. And even if we had a fourth, it would probably be another boy.
:(
oh heather, i can understand where you are coming from. for me, it was never a gender thing, but i always wanted 4 kids. in my head, that was the perfect family. there were many times over the years that i thought i would never achieve that goal.
after hadley was born, life got really crazy with 3 and i thought maybe we should just stop and be happy. craig and i would have both been happy with 3 kids, but our surprise pregnancy/miscarriage made me really want baby #4.
i think it is ok to grieve something that you wanted but for whatever reason can't/won't. for you it is having a daughter, for others it may be having a son, or a particular number of children.
not sure if i made any sense at all... but i understand what you are saying. (((hugs)))
Post a Comment