I think my car is trying to kill me.

I am not overreacting. I really believe my car may be trying to off me. Case in point: how hot does my butt really need to be?

If you live in a climate with extremes of hot and cold, you really must run out and pay however much it costs for a remote starter on your keychain thingy. It's the best invention ever. I drive a company car (Chevy Equinox, thank you very much) and I danced a jig of joy when it came and I saw it has remote start. In the summer I can crank up the air and get it cooled before getting in. In the winter, the engine is already warm before we open the doors. You get the picture.

The second best feature of my otherwise fairly crappy car is the buns warmer. There is nothing more comforting than driving along with your back and buns being warmed from below. Well, there's maybe three more comforting things like afghans, your mom, wine, Facebook, but I digress.

Last week the weather here took a turn for the worse. Our high was in the teens, low near zero. This is brutal cold, the British would call it v. cold. In preparation for getting my brood out to the car in the morning, I cranked up the remote start. Yay for technology!

Ten minutes pass, then we load up. I hop in front, press the buns warmer button, and off we go.

Some few minutes down the road, I started to feel a touch hot. Not warm, but some serious heat, coming from my ass area. I actually had to wiggle a little bit and pressed the button on the buns warmer to reduce the heat a little. Thinking maybe I was just wearing thin pants or have a hot flash, I went about my merry way.

Next day, repeat routine from above. Remote start, load brood, buns warmer on.

As we're meandering down the road, my brain and my son's brain noticed something at the same time.

"Mom, do you smell something burning?"
"Yeah...yes, I do. I wonder what that is?"

But I knew what it was. My buns were warmer than they should be, warmer than they've ever been, and the warmer was about to catch fire. I turned it off.

I really should take the car in to the shop, lest I have to make an emergency stop and hop out of it with my butt on fire in the near future. It's just that, well, the buns warmer still works! And my butt is typically cold. So, there's that. Lo, the inconvenience. I'm trying to weigh my options. Hmmm....

- H