I gots the fever

Oh, I can feel it coming on like I'm sure the mentally ill can feel a switch coming. Not that I don't qualify for that, too, but you know. I suddenly have the bloggin fever. So many things to write about, so little ability to focus my ADD and sit down and write it out.

So here's an abbreviated version for you. Things that have been rattling around in my mind these days.

1. Jenny Craig calls me too much. Seriously. I signed up last Friday, and I think they've called me four times since then?! My own mother hasn't called me that often. I mean, I've called her that often because I have to call her every day or my world seems to feel unglued, but you know. The Jenny people? I have to tell them to take me off their speed dial. When I If I fall off the wagon, I'll get back up from my sugar coma and dust the donut frosting off my face and get back on it without them calling me to check and make sure that I'm eating their ridiculously small entrees and not Krispy Kremes. Not that that's happened this week or anything. Twice. I'm just sayin. I go in for my weigh-in today. You may hear sobbing later on.

2. Pearl Jam totally stole a guitar riff from Bob Dylan. Or Shawn Colvin. I am in the midst of researching this blatant theft but haven't actually done any more than think about it while I'm in the car and write about it here. See, their new song (and by the by, I am very glad they're back to making music again) called "Just Breathe" starts with a guitar rhythm or riff that is exactly the same riff that starts Shawn Colvin's version of Bob Dylan's "You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go." I know this because every time it comes on the radio, I think oh, yay, I'm going to hear some kickass Bob Dylan by way of Shawn Colvin now, and it doesn't happen. So. I'll be doing some further research on this matter, you can be sure of that.

3. NPR's fund drive is going on right now, so I regularly listen to other stations because I can't bring myself to donate money to NPR because I hate Daniel Schorr. Seriously, when I hear someone introducing him I will click the button and listen to something else. I would listen to Yo Gabba Gabba songs before I listen to the vitriol that man spews. I know NPR leans left and I know they attempt to maintain some balance. But there is no balance in this man. He's hate and bitterness and he's not impartial. SO, I refuse to give them any more of my money than has not already been taken out of my paycheck in the form of taxes. Hrmph. I am officially now a grumpy old man.

4. Does anyone else feel like the Census thing is getting a little out of hand? I fear someone may show up at my door with a handgun, threatening me if I haven't already filled out our census forms. I filled it out and mailed it in. You hear me, guvment? I filled it out! So stop with the constant advertising and billboards. How much does that cost, anyway? You could take half of that advertising money, throw it into the public schools pool and keep many thousands of teachers from being laid off this year. I'm just saying.

5. I got to eat lunch with my old friend Jenna a few weeks ago, on a Saturday no less, which is way unheard of, and it was so nice to see her. I can see now that I need to find some time and write more about this visit because it was fun.

Alright. That's it peeps. Thanks for listening.

I think we all know who we can blame for this.

**Warning: This post is about modern-day politics. Not so much about my opinion on such goings-on because I think I've made it super clear that I have no respect for either political party and I regularly daydream about a third party that I like to call the Common Sense (inexpensive) Option. But I digress.**

Soooo. We have healthcare. Yep, that's right. In case you didn't hear Joe Biden shout into a microphone that they passed a big f&@*ing bill yesterday, well, they did.

Not that many people are happy about it. All I've heard since then are people complaining about it. They either didn't want it to begin with, they don't want to pay for it, they feel it didn't go far enough, they wanted it to have a public option, they didn't want the Louisiana Purchase, blah blah blah.

I thought it would be helpful if we could just all find one common foe to fight. Wouldn't that make us all feel a little better?

So here you go.

I think if you really consider it, Canada truly is to blame.

Feels good to find a scapegoat. Feels real good.

By the by, I'm not serious. Please, anonymous. Don't yell at me. I love Canadians and I love Canada. My own two brothers were born in Canada. I like maple leaves. I like syrup. See?

Whew. Dodged that bullet.

**By the way, if you're ever bored and want to watch the funniest South Park episode ever, watch this one. It's my favorite.**
- H

You kinda like Eunice Farmer, right mom?

Ooooee! This has been a day.

I left the house at 4:55 with Binnie in my lap. She sleeps late, later than any of the rest of us, so for her it was exceptionally shocking to be hauled off into the cold dark night for a car ride. Car rides not being one of her most favorite things since we seem to only take them to go to the vet or the groomer these days.

Two hours of driving later we got to go to another vet, yay! She was probably cussing me under her stinkbreath by then. Doctor at the University confirmed the diagnosis of the canine ophthalmologist (holy cow, have you ever tried to spell that word?) here, and off she went for her prophylactic retinopexy. Not to be confused with retinoplasty, mind you. No no, very different procedure whereby they do different things to her one functioning retina. Retinas are a completely useless organ, if you ask me. Another post topic.

Anyhoodle, I worked in Columbia and then headed home. On my way I stopped at this little fabric shop called Make it Sew, where they now carry Eunice Farmer fabrics and Bernina sewing machines, and where I took my machine on Tuesday last for repair. Apparently, my ridiculously complicated Bernina has been chronically misdiagnosed by the yahoos at the other fabric store where I used to take it for service. I won't name names, but it starts with a J and rhymes with Hackman's. The woman at Make it Sew, a lovely little shop, told me the employees at (J)Hackman's bring their machines to her for service. Ironic, isn't it? I wanted to cuss out loud at those idiots, but old ladies tend to shock easy.

As I was standing there, fingering expensive cottons and seething at the injustice of two years of sewing on a crapped out Bernina for no good reason, a clerk handed me the Easter egg basket. Open an egg, whatever discount is on the slip of paper you get off your entire purchase.

Guess what.

I got the 50% off egg! She said it was the only one she'd seen yet. (Just for you local ladies, she folded it up and put it back in the same egg in the same basket, and it was dark purple. Hint hint.)

Soooo, I stocked up on fabric I don't need with the pretense that I was buying it for my mom because she likes to sew. Except mom, I don't know how much of this I'm going to part with because it's super nice. So maybe I'll share some of the tangerine and white Maggie London cotton lawn print...no, scratch that. Ummm, maybe I'll share some of the pink and white stripe cotton. Vertical stripes are slimming. 'Cept maybe I should keep that one because I am dieting and can use all the help I can get.

Well. Maybe you'll get a great Mother's Day gift, Mom. Something like a gift certificate to the movies or something? I'll even go with you.

- H

HAH! Take that, indecisiveness!

When I decide to do something, it has sometimes been said that I move fairly quickly. Opening a fabric shop is no different. I finally decided over the weekend I want to do it, even if only online, and by the end of today I managed to do the following:

• File articles of incorporation for an LLC with the state.
• Applied for and got a federal tax ID for said LLC.
• Contacted three distributors of fabric I admire about stocking their wares.
• Spoke with a bank rep at PNC about a line of credit so that I can start ordering.

Ahhh, it feels good. I spoke to two property owners about what retail rental space goes for around here. One was very straightforward, the other kept telling me "it's triple net." Yeah, I get it buddy, but I want a dollar figure. Prolly won't be renting from him.

Not that I'll be renting from anyone for a long time. I have a feeling I need to really get a handle on this fabric sale business with an online store before I launch into the kind of store where the doorbell rings when you walk in. Or maybe no doorbell, those are kind of obnoxious. Then again, they're kind of homey and can make you feel like you're in an old-timey diner or something.

So yes, action I am good at. Decisiveness, check. Moderation....no check. Eh. I can live with it. For now it's still just a dream. Oh, yeah, it's a dream called Bolt and Spool, for the time being. I'm not in love with it, but I had to pick a name nobody else in Missouri has so far. I can always do business under a fake name later. Isn't that weird? Fake names?

On a totally different note, remember my dog? The one who had cataracts? Yeah, well, she doesn't have cataracts. She has a completely detached retina in her left eye that's irreparable (read: BLIND), and tomorrow I'm taking her to the university vet school for laser surgery to "stitch" her other retina to her eyeball, thereby ensuring she retains eyesight in at least one eye.

Poor thing. She's been wandering about half blind for however long, and we didn't notice. We just thought it was her cataracts.

- H

I want to open a fabric store

I know this is going to sound nuts, but I want to open a fabric store. I've wanted to for a long time, mostly because there aren't a lot of stores here in Saint Louis that sell what I'm looking for. And I don't consider myself on the edge at all.

It can be hard to find the entire range of Amy Butler prints here. Forget about specialty bias trims or things like foldover elastic. Apparel fabrics come in two forms - cheap stuff at Hancock's and JoAnn's, and more expensive old lady stuff at Sew it Seams or Make it Sew. Make it Sew carries Eunice Farmer, which is cool, but I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, y'know?

I read about all these places in other cities that are exactly what I'm looking for. Places like Domestic Bliss in Arizona, Hart's Fabric in the San Fran area, PurlSoho in LA and NY. Then when I was in Zoelee's basement last week, she said something that really hit home with me. I was lamenting the lack of things I'm looking for in Saint Louis, and she said "every shop has its own personality. If I sold this store to someone else it would never be the same again. If you open your own store, you will get a following based on what you carry and what you believe in."

BAM. She is so right. I know there are people like me out there (I even know one of them who might be interested in working with me on this exact same type of endeavor, hint hint Cara).

So the teeny tiny problem is that I really don't know how to go about planning for something like this. Where do you start? I kind of think I should start with some online retail first, maybe selling the fabrics, patterns, and notions I'd like to see through the internet before investing in a brick-and-mortar store. I guess the first step is to set up an LLC and apply for tax-exempt status as a retailer? That way I can contact the manufacturers about stocking their goods and dip my foot in the water on Etsy or something.

Last fall I stopped into one of my favorite clothing boutiques here in Webbie G and spoke to Natalie, the shop owner, about how she went about setting up her business and what's it like to run it. She scared the crap out me. She said she just started taking a paycheck last year and her store has been open for five.

Yikes.

But she also had some really great advice, pitfalls she fell into that I could avoid, and the name and number of her new business advisor that has helped her turn her endeavor into a profitable venture where she can actually afford to eat and pay rent.

So....that's where I am today. I'm thinking I'll start slow. Slow is good, right? Yeah, it's good. It just isn't me. Let's hope I take my own advice. I'm already planning a trip to Japan....

- H