What's your sign?

Almost every day I have to laugh at a crazy situation here in my household, otherwise I might weep. Nah, I just put that in for dramatic effect. I'm not weeping. I'm on too many antidepressants to cry. Hah! Joke.

Apparently, my baby Griffin's daycare providers have taught him sign language. Which is great, because his verbal skills are somewhere between non-existent and neanderthal. He has words, they just don't sound like words, per se, and they're all the same. Our dog is Doh! Birds are Doh! Fishies are Doh! And then tonight he broke out with SHOVEL! while holding my shovel. I don't know where that one came from, since he barely says mama unless he's crying in the middle of the night. Then he seems to remember my name just fine, thank you.

So back to the sign language. They taught him plenty of words and his physical dexterity is great. He can sign like a pro. He could be the signing baby on Sprout, next to that crazy lady who does the nighttime cartoon programming. He could be in a little bubble next to her head, signing his little heart out as an interpreter for all the babies who don't speak English yet.

There's just one problem.

They didn't teach me the signs. Baby signs are great...when a parent knows what they are. So instead, I have no idea what he's trying to tell me. Can you imagine how frustrating that would be for him (and for me??)? He already can't talk, but he's mastered an easier way to communicate for himself, only his own mother doesn't understand it.

You can tell he thinks I'm an idiot. He'll sign something very specific, and when I don't get it he signs even more emphatically, and more emphatically. Like when a tourist in a foreign land speaks LOUDER and s l o w e r because surely that will help them be understood.

Every day it seems I'm going in to daycare and saying "hey, what does this mean?" while I use my thumb to knock on my forehead or make some other flailing hand movement exactly like he does.

The daycare teacher he loves best, Kristy, always knows. "Milk." "Bottle." "Outside." "Doggie." "Juice."

Oh, ok. Thanks for making me feel like the Worst Mother on the Planet. Thanks for that. You guys have some sort of book I can carry around, like a pocket guide to Baby Signs or something? That would help out a lot around here.

- H

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