Can diuretics make you cry?

Alright, I went back to my crazy dermatologist today. I call her crazy in the loving-est way. I love her, really. If I printed her name you could Google it and see that she is somewhat famous in Saint Louie for shopping off the internet and furnishing her entire 10,000 square foot man-see-yon with designer bling from the eBay.

But I think I'd feel kind of funny putting that information out there, into cyberspace where everyone who likes to read the world wide web could see where I go when my zits are out of control and I don't want to look 37 anymore.

So for now, let's just say she's pretty cool and I like her.

Today I visited her for a little anti-aging advice on what in the hell am I going to do with this skin that is constantly breaking out? I know, you're thinking other people have real problems and Heather has bad skin, but this is a real problem. It's not just on my face anymore. No, I have this great area behind both of my ears that's super prone to pimples.

Last week I grew a couple on the side of my neck, which is totally cool.

My chest and back are always favorite spots but at least on the chest they tend to blend so nicely with my liver spots and crepe-paper sundamage that you can hardly notice. The final straw came yesterday as I was noticing that I now have zits on my upper arms.

I mean, COME ON. Shoulder caps? Biceps? It's disgusting.

So Dr. Fandango's office took mercy upon me and booked me super quickly and by 1:30 today I was sitting in her office reading brochures on Restylane and Botox and waiting to see what she was wearing today.

Most days she's wearing Chanel flip flops or Gucci boots. Today I didn't recognize her shoes. Probably because as she opened the door and turned to come in and sit down, she audibly gasped and said "oh honey! Are your periods ok? Because this is just not good, not good."

Me: "I don't know, I don't get them anymore. IUD."

Her: "Ugh! This is hormones, sweetie, I'm going to have to start you on sprintolaxacone [or whatever, I'm too lazy to go look at the bottle label]. Now the deal is, it's a diuretic but it actually works to regulate your hormones and I have a TON of women on it and it works really well. Drink a lot of water. It'll make you pee a lot."

Yadda, there was more conversation and maybe sometime down the line we'll change up my non-existent skincare routine, but for now I've started taking this diuretic. And I've also started weeping.

Yes, that's right folks. Diuretic = weeping for Heather. It's not really my fault. I finally dragged the laptop up to bed so I could watch House Hunters International where a couple of foreign bajillionaires are looking for a new house on the Malfi coast, and read my favorite blogs. It's something I haven't had time to do since 'Nam.

And wouldn't you know it? That Penne got me! She has the most beautiful post right now about pets. I laughed and cried, it was like the waterworks watching Terms of Endearment, and then read funny in the hood and sobbed through that one, too, only those were tears of laughter and the first ones were tears of denial that I will ever lose my girl Binnie. Where is she, anyway? BINNIE! Come sit by me for a second.

So I can't wait to see what the next few months on a diuretic are like if this is the first night. Hey, maybe I'll get all skinny and un-water-retained? Wouldn't that be cool?! Alright, I gotta go watch the ninnies - er, first-time home buyers - that think paint color is a deterrent to buying a home.

- H