Airports are gross

Whew, finally! A post that's not about sewing.

I had to come to Louisville yesterday for a meeting. As I spent a little time in the Chicago Midway airport between flights, I had the chance to remind myself of just exactly how gross airports are.

All the humanity, just moving around, moving in and out, eating and going to the bathroom. Gross.

The only place on earth that might be more disgusting than an airport is a Man's Inhumanity to Man, I mean, Walmart, that's more than two years old. I don't go there, ever, unless it's 6:30 in the morning because you all know Humanity doesn't get up before 10:00. Why is it that Walmart has a two-year life expectancy for cleanliness and non-disgusting appearance, but Target stores seem to keep themselves nice for more than a decade before needing a refresh? Just curious.

Anyway, I saw some gross stuff at the airport. This guy was walking through the airport with one of those big plastic tooth floss things hanging out of his mouth. Seriously, like he was rushing with his phone in his hand and his bag in the other, and his flosser thing clenched between his teeth.

"Oh, man, I almost missed my flight! I had like ten minutes to floss and get to my gate and I almost didn't make it. Thank God I got the flossing in before the doors closed."

Weird.

And then I went to the restroom, where there was this totally rude woman and her little girl. So here's the setup - there were only a dozen or so stalls. There was a line of women waiting for a stall. There was a little girl in one unlocked stall. Apparently, because as the doors opened I figured it out, her mom was alone in the handicapped stall, which was a double-wide.

So let me get this straight. You are not handicapped. You are not pushing a stroller or carrying multiple small children on your hip. Yet you take up the handicapped double-wide and you make your daughter (who was like four years old) go into her own stall two doors down from you? She's so young she can't even lock the door!

Then I went, and washed my hands really well because airports are gross, and dried them without touching anything because those are the rules. I tried to walk out of the bathroom, but I couldn't. Do you know why? Because that lady was literally standing in the middle of the doorway dinking around with her daughter about who was carrying what, and the broad didn't even have the common sense to move out of the way! Seriously, for like three minutes I waited.

Jeez. What a self-absorbed idiot.

Oh, and I saw this lady who was walking around with her belt undone, flapping at her legs.

Wait. That was me.

Yeah, it was one of my finer moments. I blame the self-absorbed woman from the bathroom. My preoccupation with her led to my walking out of the bathroom unbuckled. Thank God I zipped my pants, that would have really been embarrassing.

- H