My friend Jenny makes the best cheese curls

I finally asked Jenny for help today. I woke up, stepped on the scale (ok, there were like three other steps in between but whatever), cried a little, drank my Metamucil, and called Jenny.

They've put me on a plan.

Apparently admitting there's a problem is the first step. I heard there are eleven more, but I wasn't really paying attention because I had a headache and was wondering when we'd get to the important part where I got to pick out all my food.

I loaded up with various food-looking items and came home. This was, of course, after stopping at Culver's for a Last Meal of cheeseburger, cheese balls, and Pepsi.

No wonder their scale read super high. Twenty pounds over my regular weight.

I knew I'd been getting larger this year, but when you go to the bathroom monthly, you just kind of assume all those extra pounds are just poop. And then there's the Lexapro, that didn't help. Wait, it helped in that I was able to function and return to human status, but it also helped me sit around and eat a lot without moving.

Sooooo, I'm on a plan. I ate the world's smallest penne pasta entree for dinner. When you are suddenly reduced to eating a specific food and nothing else, chubby little two-year-old fingers plucking precious noodles from your dinner plate can be seen with a certain amount of panic and protectiveness. Not that I didn't let him eat them, I'm not a horrible mother. I just made him eat them one by one while I speared ten at a time and shoveled them in my mouth. I wanted to be sure the balance was on my side.

Then later I got to eat my nighttime snack of cheese curls and you know what? They're pretty good! Just like regular cheese curls, except a little less obnoxious.

So far, Jenny's been good to me. I'll keep y'all posted because I know that a) there's someone out there reading this that's curious what Jenny Craig is all about, and 2) I like to write about the stupid little details of my life cause I'm a loser or I'm about to be one! Get it? Loser? Biggest loser? Man, I crack myself up.

- H