The Russians aren't coming and various other updates like the fact that we will not be on Hoarders anytime soon

Yeegads, has it been seven years since I've updated all in the drama that wasn't, previously named Russians 0, USA 1? Well, there's been some movement on a few different fronts around here so I thought I'd better get you all caught up.

Number One. We will not be buying the Russians' home. No, friends, we sadly walked away from that bit of crazy (ok, I was sad my husband was ecstatic) in March because vibes coming from the Russian real estate agent were bad. Hey, try this - try getting your earnest money back from someone who's not on the up-and-up to begin with, when there is no law in place requiring anyone to give you said earnest money by any specific time. That's fun. If you like needles in the eyes. It's that kind of fun.

We did finally get our earnest money back, thank you very much.

Then what happened? I don't know. Not much. Someone else put a contract on the house and I was v. sad (and also, a little British). Then, a month later the crazed Russian real estate agent was emailing promotion for the property again, reducing the price and hawking it. Weird. Well, as it turns out the deal after ours fell through, too.

And now the house's listing has been cancelled. So maybe it's being foreclosed on? Who knows.

What I do know is that we will be putting our charming whitewashed brick home on the market in the next week or so. I've been working my fingers to the bone to get it ready. This helps in the Quest to Be Not as Heavy. At least once a day I panic and think there is no way we'll be ready to show this house anytime in the next sixteen months and go lay down on the couch in a fetal position. Luckily, I manage to drag myself upright again and carry on and I've not even resorted to alcohol. Yet.

I've been de-stashing my sewing paraphernalia like a mad woman. I've painted the kitchen deck (twice) and various other bits and pieces, like all the walls that Griffin decorated with a Sharpie marker this winter. I found the top of my desk! Yes, that's right, folks, I managed to clean up my office which is like an Olympic feat and only happens once a leap year.

Now all that is left is...oh wow, I can feel the fetal couch calling....I still need to organize the basement, paint two closet doors, organize my back bedroom and pack away the weird things like the headless glass clown and the dusty stuffed fish my husband has had since childhood. Nobody wants to see a stuffed fish mouth-first. Nobody.

Oh, remember how I mentioned Hoarders in my comprehensive post title? Yeah. We've been DVRing Hoarders on TLC. My husband said to me last night "that show saved my life. Thank God I've seen that." Huh.

And they told me I'm supposed to make the house look like no children live here, because people buying houses don't like children or something like that. Now, how am I going to do that?! Isn't the Sharpie marker on the walls going to be a dead giveaway?

So yeah. It's all boring but somehow it keeps me busy on top of the two hooligans who live here and don't pay rent and the job and the hubs and all the other fun stuff.

Oh, and I have not opened a fabric store. Yet. I hear people say things like "do one thing at a time, take it easy" and I'm sure they're speaking English only it sounds so foreign to me. And we didn't get a puppy. Yet. That one was easier. Do you want to show a house when there's a chance the viewers may walk in and find a nice warm pile of doggy love on the floor?

Me neither. So on that front, we're waiting.

- H