USA 1, Russia 0

In light of the upcoming Olympics, I'd like to relay a sweet little heartwarming story of two small-time Americans who triumphed over two small-time Russians in a game of who-can-outlast-whom.

So you'll recall my recent story about how my husband and I had decided to go head to head with a very strong-willed Russian real estate agent and her equally strong-willed and criminally connected client in a bid for the home vacated and being foreclosed on previously owned by aforementioned crooked Russian?

When I left you last, we had put in our first lowball offer (I'll be calling it $ABC for this purposes of making it super confusing) and been flatly rejected. The next day, however, the Russian real estate agent started calling our real estate agent, prodding her to get us to come up with more money.

She underestimated Sue. Sue is our real estate agent. Sue is a bulldog disguised in pretty preppy monogrammed clothing.

Nothing doing, Sue said. Your clients can just counter if they want to work with us.

And so they did. The Russians countered our lowball offer. With original asking price and wanting us to de-winterize the home and then winterize it again for the inspection process. Say what?! They may as well have countered with a higher than asking price

We scoffed. Hah! They must think we're idiots. They must think we're weak. They must never have met my husband.

If haggling, negotiating, and coming out the victor was an Olympic sport, my husband would have an honorary lifetime gold medal already.

We sat for a while, which really irritated the Russians. Then we countered. If the asking price was $XYZ, and our initial offer was $ABC, we countered at $DEF.

Their agent called ours. Her clients were willing to counter at $VWX! Sue needed to get us to agree to VWX. No, Sue said. My clients will go no higher than DEF, I told you that. Good, then we've agreed to VWX, Madame Putin said. No, you're not listening to me, they will not pay a penny more than DEF!, Sue said.

After twelve or seventeen phone calls that played out like the conversation above, Sue finally got her fingers to the computer and wrote an email to Madame Putin.

Ms. Putin,
My clients are prepared to pay $DEF,000 for your listing on D Street, but absolutely no more. Your client is already in foreclosure proceedings which means they will not leave the closing table with any money. In fact, they have effectively already lost that home. Why do they care how much money the bank is losing? This is our final offer.
Yours,
Sue


Sue,
We'll accept your offer.
Ms. Putin


Americans - 1

Russians - 0


And so now we wait. We wait for the bank to look at the offer. There's a good chance they'll reject it. But if not? If not, we're moving.

Hang on, I have to go throw up.

- H